July 2, 2008
I read this yesterday, through my tears, and I just had to share. I couldn't believe how much I related, and with the freshness of visiting an orphanage....
I read this yesterday, through my tears, and I just had to share. I couldn't believe how much I related, and with the freshness of visiting an orphanage....
And today we were at another orphanage! My heart just broke for those children. And then I walked into a room full of babies, cribs lining all the walls. The first baby I saw was a tiny new baby that had been abandoned. She was so precious and innocent that my heart melted! So in need of a mother. I could hardly hold back the tears. She had only been there for days and was assumed to be a couple weeks old. As I write this, I still want to go back and get her and bring her home with me. As I held her, she yawned and put her tiny fingers in her mouth to suckle. Lord, I know you love her and have a plan for her life. Please allow her the opportunity to know the love of a mother and a family!
coffeegirlconfessions ....
[what's brewing today: the stuff that keeps you up at night] It was late and high time to be falling asleep, but I could not get my thoughts to slow down. My sister delivered her first baby today, a precious baby girl. This was a day that we dreamed of together since we were old enough to talk. I couldn't believe my sister was now a mom, but even more difficult to believe was the fact that I would be moving out of the country, thousands of miles away from this precious baby in just 6 weeks. I knew all along it would be difficult to go, but until I held that little bundle in my arms tonight I didn't know just how difficult it would be. My heart was aching, and suddenly the weight of moving away from my family seemed too heavy to bear. My throat was sore from holding in my tears, and I decided to make my heartache known. "Honey?" I quietly cried out to my husband. No response. "Honey?" I said again, a bit louder. Nothing. How could this be? I feel like I'm on the edge of an emotional breakdown and my husband is sleeping peacefully next to me? I need to talk – I need to be heard, right now. I contemplate waking him, but know I will only be disappointed with his groggy response when I explain the reason he's awake. So I lay there, alone. The tears start pouring down my cheeks and before I know it I'm shaking with emotion. I'm simply overwhelmed with the thought of leaving, and sad that I'm alone in this pain tonight. As I lay there crying, I suddenly have a thought so clear that I know it is not of my own mind. "You're not alone. I'm here with you. I am the one who collects your tears, whether anyone else in the world knows of them or not. I know your heartache and I've promised to be near to the brokenhearted." ....
I have never audibly heard God speak to me, but I am often spoken to in this way –a pressing thought that I know is not of my own thinking. As I silently interact with those thoughts, my conversations with God begin. "Oh Lord, how quickly I forget that you are the only one who truly knows my heart and the joys and pains within it. I had no idea how hard it would be to leave my family – I feel devastated over it tonight." ....
My thoughts continue from there, guided by the Lord I am sure. Oh, how fortunate I am to have a family that I am grieved to leave behind. The orphaned and abandoned children that we will soon be living among do not know this feeling – they have no family members to love, nor family to love them in return. The capacity to feel this pain is a blessing that devastatingly sets me apart from thousands and thousands of children in this world.....
I start to realize that this broken spot in my heart has been given to me as a bottle to collect my tears and grief in as I move forward in this journey. This bottle of tears will be turned into worship as they have been this night – I can pour them out in prayer and love for these children. I can be thankful for the capacity to grieve and intercede for those who do not know what it is to grieve separation from family members.....
It is a holy moment as I lay there in bed – God has shown himself to me. He has seen my tears. He has come near to the brokenhearted...me.....
And so I pray for the orphans we will soon be serving:....
Oh Lord, may they someday know the depth of love that you have for them. ....May you allow me to love them in such a way that they will know what it feels like to grieve when we part ways in the future.....
This is amazing Mary. Thanks.
ReplyDeleteoh...and just a fyi-I wanna bring a baby home so badly. :(